I'm sitting in a hospital room at the VA Hospital, watching my dad drift off to sleep. He's seriously amazing. One of the most amazing people you'd ever have the pleasure to meet. He's got this great energy about him that's just so freakin' loveable.
This time a week ago, I had no idea how rapidly my life was going to change. It would have been nice for the universe to give us a little bit of notice, but I suppose things like this really make you appreciate every single moment.
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I got a phone call from dad 2 weeks ago. He's been the primary caretaker of his elderly mom for the last seven years. My spunky grandma--she actually beat lung cancer last year (I didn't even know that was possible!)--finally succumbed. My dad also mentioned in passing his health hadn't been so hot recently.
I immediately rearranged my work schedule and Rob and I drove 5 hours down to Coos Bay. We were a day late to say goodbye to my grandma, but we got to go out to dinner with dad and spend some time together. Though we were only there for the night, we knew he had an appointment up here in Portland for February 25th. I was looking forward to hanging out with him and his girlfriend Annie a few days before my 30th birthday.
When he rolled into town last Wednesday, he didn't look so hot. He was still be-bopping around, but he had to use a cane to walk due to these immense pains in his side. I hate seeing him like that. He became a volunteer firefighter at 55 (just five years ago), and went on overnight hikes with my brother two summer's ago.
Rob and I loaded him and Annie into the car on Thursday to take him up for his doctor's appointment. Honestly, I was a bit worried. I knew he needed to do a bone marrow biopsy, and though I had no idea what that meant (just a few days ago--crazy how quickly life changes), I knew I would be worried while we waited the week or so for the results. I wasn't even sure if he'd be able to drive home to Coos Bay that night--the procedure seemed kind of intense, so I started looking into hotel rooms for him.
It never crossed my mind--not once--that he wasn't going to be leaving the hospital any time soon. Thursday was the hardest day so far. We learned his kidneys weren't working properly, his blood cells are wonky, and the doctors told him they didn't want to take any chances; they had him admitted right away. (Thank goodness he's a Vet and so far is getting phenomenal health care.)
His girlfriend stayed a few nights up here in Portland, but had to go home on Saturday. She had fallen--cracked her ribs and broke her foot--in between my grandma dying and my dad coming up to Portland for his biopsy. She needs some rest, so she's back in Southern Oregon for a bit.
The last few days have been a blur. I've been up at the hospital mostly, getting to know dad's doctors really well. I've also been researching a lot. They did the bone marrow biopsy on Friday, and we've been waiting for the results since.
Basically, some of his rogue blood cells have escaped his bone marrow and are partying in his blood, destroying the new blood cells he needs. What this means, what never even occurred to me because I thought my parents were supposed to live forever, is that he has cancer. Leukemia. Leukemia is cancer of bone marrow, and there's loads of different kinds. According to the preliminary blood tests, it's most likely AML--acute myelogenous leukemia. We won't know until the bone marrow biopsy results come in, which is supposed to be sometime today. So I'm waiting up here, hanging out with daddy-o during the limbo stage.
He's been really strong; he's awesome, and all the doctors and nurses just love him. (Of course.)
I'm having a pretty hard time with it--I think once we know what we're fighting and formulate a plan to vanquish this cancer-dragon, it'll be a little easier. But the surprise and the suddenness of all this is honestly pretty tough. I don't like to see my dad with oxygen tubes in his nose and layed up in a hospital bed. I don't like imagining the worst case scenario. I don't like not knowing.
But things will be okay. My dad has a lot of fight in him. He said to me yesterday, "Pardon my french, Ness, but I'm going to make this cancer my bitch." Haha. He's got a great attitude, and he's not afraid of death, he just doesn't like not being able to live to his fullest right now.
So while we wait for results today, this is the calm before the storm. The irritating calm, because we don't know what the future holds, but at least we can still hope for the best.
Of course, I'm bringing my dad some healthy vegan food. It amazes me what kind of food is served in a hospital. Why on earth do they give you hamburger and jello for dinner, followed by stool softeners? Why can't they just serve lots of fiber-rich fruit and veggies? It drives me crazy.
Cancer sucks and seeing your dad in the hospital really sucks, but I'm a firm believer in positive energy and good thoughts, so I'm pretty hopeful.
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